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If you do not feel that you need or want the help available to you through support groups or grief counseling, it may still be advisable that you educate yourself on the process of grieving and the common symptoms of grief. There are many books available to you through the local libraries.

What is Grief?

Grief is an intense emotional suffering caused by death, loss, disaster or misfortune. Grief will affect people in very different ways. The individualistic manner in which you need to grieve is often difficult. If you need to grieve, it is unavoidable. Grief is hard work. But it is also important to remember that grief is a normal part of life...it is a consequence of truly loving others.

Grief is a powerful emotion that affects us deeply, even if we try to deny it. If we do not deal with our thoughts and feelings in a healthy, patient manner, it can manifest itself into physical and/ or psychological problems. Some issues that are common repercussions of a denial to grieve are: Ulcers, Insomnia, Headaches, Depression, Anger, and Anxiety.

Where Can I Get Help?

At Adkins Funeral Home, we understand that your needs do not end with your loved one's services. We are here to help you bear the burdens of your loss. One way that we can help our families is to inform you of the resources available in this area for grief counseling. We have enclosed a list of the most current information available to us. However, this information does change rather often. If you decide six months down the road that a support group might be beneficial to you, please contact us for a more current list. We have also enclosed information on the books available to you through the local library that may offer comfort or guidance through grief. If we can help you in any other way, please let us know.

What Can I Do About Grief?

Understand that your grief belongs to you. Others may advise you on the grief they have experienced under similar circumstances. Don't try to deny what you need to feel. The manner in which we mourn is as individualized as our fingerprints. Let your grief take as long as it needs to for you to completely heal. Be patient and tolerant of your grief. You cannot make yourself "snap out of it". Grief takes time and work.

Your loved one may have gone on, but they will live on in your memories forever. Therefore, don't be afraid to continue to talk about that person. Their life and their death has touched you in immeasurable ways. Recall special times and appreciate the love that you shared. If others seem uncomfortable or act awkward when you mention someone who has passed, explain to them that you need to talk about them.

You may find that in your grief you have new limits, both physically and emotionally. Some people often have a loss of appetite, while others feel they cannot get enough to eat. So, weight loss or weight gain often occur during grief. Problems sleeping, nervousness, or depression may arise. You may experience guilt, fear and anger more readily than before your loss. You may be more forgetful or confused than you used to be. You should allow yourself some time to adjust. Accept that it is natural and normal to grieve and that these symptoms are part of that grief. Don't be ashamed to admit them or accept them. However, if you feel that these issues are excessive or overwhelming, or if you feel they have persisted longer than you would like, it may be beneficial to seek the advice of a mental health professional. If you feel this is a necessary part of your grief, you should not be embarrassed or reluctant to follow that path. Seek out the help you need mentally with the same vigor that you would seek help for physical needs.

Do whatever you need to do to deal with your grief. Support groups are a wonderful resource that are often more beneficial than people think they will be. Find solace wherever you can: ask your pastor or minister to visit you, express your needs to your family (they are not mind readers), treat yourself to things that make you feel better (a vacation, a hike in the woods, a day at the salon or spa, a new hobby or a dinner out with friends). Also, try to read about grief. Often the common thoughts and feelings that are shared through books can validate your feelings and help you understand that what you are feeling is normal.

Especially in cases of a long term illness, your grief for a loved one may have started and even ended long before the death actually occurred. Don't feel guilty if you do not grieve as long as others think is appropriate, or even as long as you thought you would. Grief is a reaction to loss and everyone's reaction is different. Your loss may have been felt at the onset of the illness. You may even feel happy and/ or relieved by your loved one's passing. You have watched them suffer, and it is okay to be glad that their pain is over. Don't allow your guilt to rob you of the ability to move on. In the same way that you must accept grief, accept that it has ended and that it is okay to be happy.